Like any chronic illness, MS doesn’t just affect you, but also affects your partner and your shared life together, whether you are married, or in an otherwise committed relationship.
This added pressure can sometimes put a strain on your relationship, but by dealing with MS in a sensitive and positive way, you can also enjoy a closer, more fulfilling and open relationship.
Because of the nature of MS as a disease, living with MS as a couple brings an added element of uncertainty in your life together. Joint projects and plans may have to change, and joint wishes may have to be adapted or shelved. This need not spell an end to all the positive and fun aspects of the relationship. Understanding the needs of the other person and concentrating on being together and sharing good times is what is important.
Planning for the future
You will almost certainly need to review your financial status, and how this affects both short-term and long-term planning.
As a couple, you may find it necessary to change roles when one person develops MS; it may be that the main ‘breadwinner’ is the person with MS, and that could mean a significant drop in living standards - a household with two earners may decide that only one person will work.
One thing to consider is that whilst a career change, or stopping full-time employment, may be necessary, there are other skills and talents that a person with MS can develop, enabling them to contribute to the household finances. In many cases, people with MS have reported that what was once a hobby, such as a craft, is now a source of employment and income, giving them a far happier and more contented lifestyle than before diagnosis; a positive result of having the condition.
Everyday life may change to accommodate your needs
Most couples have a routine that they are happy with, especially if they have children. Depending on the nature and severity of your symptoms, this is something that needs addressing. If you regularly spend time playing a team sport, or enjoy socialising with friends at restaurants and bars on a weekly basis, these accepted behaviours may have to be reviewed in line with your condition.
This may sound alarming, but needn’t be. There are always other ways to involve yourself in activities that you have made an integral part of your life, such as coaching a team, or becoming involved in running the logistics of a club.
And having MS doesn’t mean changing the dynamics of your friendships, just maybe changing the circumstances in which you see them: your friends will undoubtedly prove very flexible and want to accommodate you, wherever possible.
Your sex life
Your sex life may be affected by MS. Exploring new forms of intimacy may be the way to find physical satisfaction. We have more on this in a related section about sex.
In all cases it is important for you and your partner to face up to the life changes that MS brings about, and to talk openly with each other. If you find this difficult, you may want to seek advice from a marital guidance or family counsellor.
